I’m 18, and My Addiction Is Getting Out of Control, Any Advice?
Question by Eric: I’m 18, and my addiction is getting out of control, any advice?
Here it is nearly 10 PM 2/28/14 that I’m writing this and I’m having some real problems. For the last 3-4 years, I have been battling an addiction to opioids, and it’s just gotten worse. Well my peak of drug use was in 2012 when I would every month replace my grandmother’s pain medications (hydrocodone) with regular Tylenol, so I could have all the narcotics, and she could never tell a difference between them. She had the 7.5/500 pills at that time, and I have a very vast knowledge of medications in general, and a career in pharmacology is something I’m considering. So I know the dangers of drug abuse, addiction, and taking too much acetaminophen, but I still did them all anyway. Right now, it is calmed down as far as how much I take at one time (which would be up to 12 at a time), but it’s gotten worse as in now I need them every day or I will both have physical and psychological withdrawals. I don’t take as many a day now, usually taking 15 mg of hydrocodone, or 10 mg of oxycodone a day usually keeps me calm. I don’t get a high or a buzz anymore with that amount, it just keeps me calm. I have talked to all my doctors about this recently, because I want to succeed in what I want to do. As I mentioned a career in pharmacology earlier, my real passion is the weather, and since age 7 I have dreamed of being a meteorolgist, and February 7th I had the opportunity to meet my idol, who is the chief meteorologist of one of the local news stations in my area.
With that in mine, I have no friends. I legitimately mean that and I’m not exaggerating. Yes, you may find that I have a little over 300 Facebook “friends” but those are all family who don’t even except me for who I truly am, because I am gay. I only have true support from my counselor, psychiatrist, and my mom. Mom used to have an addiction too, way worse than me, and she is trying to to get me on the right path to not go as low as she did (she’s clean now for 13 years to this day actually). She doesn’t want me to see the same things that she has seen. Currently I have pain medicine prescribed to me from my dentist. I had a bad tooth pulled 3 days ago, and I had to go back to the dentist again because I have a dry socket and a bone fragment that won’t come out. I got 12 of the hydrocodone/APAP 10/325 the day of the procedure, well those were gone in 2 days. Today he gave me 6 more, with 1 refill. Those are now all gone and I have to wait until Monday to get the refill.
I also battle bipolar disorder, but I’m mostly depressed more than manic, which is why I started abusing in the first place because the pills were a relief for me, an escape for the loneliness I feel. I know that if I just had one good and best friend, things would be different.
I tried my hardest to leave at least 3 of the pain pills I got today for tomorrow, but my mind kept thinking and thinking about taking the pills. Now after the procedure, the first 2 days, I was in absolute severe pain, but now not as bad of pain, but I still crave the pills, to take them all. I try to keep myself occupied. Mom will play a card game with me or I will just do anything I can to keep myself occupied and I still can’t. I do everything my counselor and psychiatrist say but my mind keeps focusing on the damn drugs. I am in a love-hate relationship with the drugs.
Right now I can’t afford a rehab, but, later this week I am going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. I refuse to go to the hospital. I have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital back in October, and I refuse to go anywhere that has anything like the same feeling as the hospital did. The hospital was a nightmare.
I know this is long and I can’t explain all my feelings in words, but when I go without, I act violent toward myself (never towards others) by cutting, hitting myself with my fists and other objects, sometimes things like hammers. My addiction, while I do have some physical withdrawals, is 90% psychological, and paired with my bipolar disorder which I’ve been diagnosed with since I was 8. I just don’t know what to do to control myself from thinking about the pills and craving, please any advice would help.
Best answer:
Answer by Mike
Stop. Just that. Stop. Find something else to do. There are only a bizzillion choices. Pills were fun, right? Now they aren’t. So stop. It will hurt for a while but not forever. If you keep up this path, it will hurt forever. So….
Answer by Jeremiah
This sounds like a serious addiction, but the only true way to stop it is if you truly want to stop. You may have to go to rehab or get rid of all of your drugs and just keep them away from you.
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